Determination !

Feb 3.

I would like to start tonights blog with a big Thank you to Chad Kroeger & Santana for the song "Into the night" , thanks to this song I was able to add 15 more minutes of cardio on the eliptical after 35 on the treadmill and I must say it was a big feat tonight, but damn how a good song can get me into a zone that helps me accomplish what feels like the impossible.

I finally got on the scale this morning for the first time since Saturday. I am happy to say I'm down 3.4 lbs , as happy as this makes me it also is a reminder of how damn slow it comes off and how damn fast it goes back on ! I am determined...determined determined to get my old self back, just the fact that this seems to be tonight's mantra makes me believe things are different in my head and the switch has flipped which in all honesty makes me pretty proud of the strong woman I am.

I can be stubborn, anyone who knows me can attest to this, but one place in my life my stubbornness has helped me more than many parts of my personality is that once I make up my mind on something it cant be easily changed. I may seem to take forever to make a decision that some one else would just jump into, but once I make up my mind its all systems ahead.

I WILL stick with this, I will not cheat, I will head to the gym even when I dont feel like it, I will look at the hot fudge and fantasize....and walk away. I will be my own biggest advocate, I can do this, Ive done it before and dammit Ill do it again !

As for keeping my big mouth shut, well of course I couldn't. Gail is more than thrilled, giddy more like it, almost like Tuesday when I came to work and admitted my plan and linked her to my blog I gave her a wonderful gift. Gail and I have worked out on and off since our 16 year olds were in first grade. We work together, we eat lunch together, went through our divorces together, deal w/ idiot ex husbands together and when we work off the fat, we work it off together and Gail started a month or so ago, but I was nowhere near ready to even think about it, infact I think my statement was "helllll nooooo !!!!" But now, typical me I came to it on my own, in my own time and actually with no one but myself in mind which is why I'm so determined I think. This week we have had "healthy snacks" for our 10 minute morning break , we have not left work for the typical fast food and Chinese and instead have stayed at work, locking ourselves in a back office and eating lean cuissine and grapefruit and gails wierd chicken and rice w/ bar b que sauce ( shes just wierd...no other way to put it!) .
I can say I dont feel deprived ,though I was pissed lastnight at the amount of fat in a wendys taco salad (had a class w/ Domanic last night so we had to eat fast) frigging 38 grams of fat...THIRTY EIGHT WTF !!!!!! ok ok I'm over it, but dammit dont give a "salad" more fat than a grilled chicken sandwich that's just wrong !

Alright, I rambled long enough, I'm sweaty from going to the gym at 8pm , I have a 7am meeting and its 10:50 pm and I still need to shower before I head to bed.

so far so good =)

-Kimmer

Day 1

February 1, 2010

Ok so we've been engaged for almost a year and a half and I finally set the date for 10.10.10 and I wasn't all worried about how I look on our wedding day (ok lies but not enough to get me doing anything about it yet, its my second marriage and my wonderful man seriously loves every inch of me so why worry) and then my brother got engaged and now I'm facing a wedding in Marin in September and I feel the need to not go feeling like a total fat ass (how sad that it took his wedding not my own.)

I called this day 1 but really its technically day 3, I decided on Saturday that I better get myself going if I plan on being in better shape come Sept (though Saturday it was October and now Sept...so 2 weeks sooner than I originally thought I had).

On saturday Day 1 I drank my coffee, dropped Logan at work, ran errands, and while at target bought 2 new workout outfits and new socks because just like in order to get myself in the mood to clean I buy new cleaning crap, if I'm going to get my ass to the gym I better have something to just throw on and go to get me going. I ran to costco and while there bought salmon and lettuce wraps because I know both of those could be meals w/o guilt.

I came home and called Christy (my best friend) and bitched and whined for about an hour about how much I DON'T want to go to the gym and how much I DON'T want to watch every damn thing that goes into my mouth...and then hung up the phone and decided to take frank (our pug) for a long walk.

Yesterday was Sunday Day 2 and I woke up home alone with Logan, made him one of my favorite breakfast dishes (apple pancake) and didn't have any of it! I ate an apple & yo-plait fiber yogurt instead. Dom (my 16 year old son) came home for a typical short while...long enough to watch a movie and have lunch (salad wraps & humbau) just salad wraps for me and then he left. Logan(finace') was busy and Riley (my 11 year old son) was still at Bozo's (ex husband) and so...I went into the bedroom, put on the new workout clothes, dug for my shoes and a water bottle and towel for all that sweat I planned on shedding and into the living room I marched, announcing my destination for the gym. Logan grabbed me close, told me how sexy I am and to have fun.

On the way to the gym, I realized my i pod was dead, and so I stopped to get a magazine to get me through the cardio (I like a distraction). I walked into my grocery store mortified at how I must look in these skin tight clothes and bee lined it for the magazines and self checkout and practicaly ran to my car. Once in my car I remembered I can charge my i pod from the jack I bought so Domanic can play his music while driving with his mother and plugged it in for "next workout". Now this is important because you need to know my mindset on the way to the gym, I was already planning for next workout...stupid stupid want to feel cute in summer clothes girl (not even girl...almost 40 mom!) but here we go !!!

I went to the gym (24) which I haven't been to in so long I had to search for my card to get in (though I keep paying the damn fees each month because I REFUSE to admit I wont be back...see for this exact reason !) I feel like Im cheating on Gail my workout partner because I have not told her of the soon to return "power girl", but I have such a damn big mouth I want to keep it shut for awhile and see if people notice instead of me whining about how much my muscles hurt. I head to the treadmill and get on for 35 minutes of cardio ( in a few weeks this will be an hour but for now I know its gonna kick my ass) , I get through the cardio just fine, head upstairs and do weights and head home sweaty and so happy I got my ass there !

I went home, sweaty but happy(even stopped at the grocery store on my way home to pick up lemons, spray butter, spray salad dressing and crystal light), took my shower, cooked salmon, sticky rice and a heaping load of steamed green beans for dinner but this brought a small problem. Now Ive decided to eat 1800 calories a day and no more than 19 grams of fat per meal which shouldn't be THAT hard except with the wonderful salmon meal I love so much I really enjoy a dollop of tarter sauce. As I prepared the salmon I started to wonder about said sauce and opened the fridge door to check the nutritional info ...fuggin A !!!! Marina tarter sauce : 20g of fat and 180 calories for 2 GD tbsps !!! Now YES I know, smaller amount and thats what I did, less than1 tbsp spread thinly on top of my delicious salmon but dammit all....I like the damn tarter sauce, who cares about the 1/2 cup of rice...I want the damn sauce ! It was fine, I survived and decided to search the web for a good light sauce I can eat w/ my fish in the future...but dammit this is what I'm talking about !

So now we are at the end of Day 3, I had my Monday off and so did Logan and the boys. I ate 1 piece of toast w/ a fried egg (fried w/ cant believe its not butter spray and spray on toast) , bowl of beans and rice w/ salsa for lunch. I had decided not to go to the gym today because honestly I'm a little sore from yesterday and figured I would be before I even went but I talked (more like tricked) Domanic into a walk with the frankenberry in the neighborhood (in the rain) for about an hour. We came home, dried off and later got subway for dinner (though I wanted leftover salmon...tomorrow). I heated up a fudgy brownie cake thing for Dom when he asked me if we had anything like gooey ice cream or chocolate and got myself a frigging raspberry jello cup from the fridge (wasn't bad but wasn't fudge cake either).

So here we are, the end of 3 days, the beginning of a day by day plan for a less self conscious me by September ,wedding photos 10.10.10 I can look back on and happily share with others, and my very first blog.

Logan was worried I was starting it because I'm sad, Domanic said old ladies who have 8 cats and emo girls have blogs, but honestly I'm just writing it so in 9 months I can look back at where I started and where Ive come and actually watch myself grow along the way.

I plan to share other things about myself besides a growing obsession over food, exercise and lbs.

-Kimmer